Small moments of panic


I can be having a perfectly fine day, and then these small moments of panic set in. Moments where I wonder if my life will ever be the same again. Moments of wondering when the healing will commence and the pain will fade.

Wounds hurt and the degree of pain fluctuates. This surgery was painful. It seems as though with each surgery, anesthesia lingers longer in my system and it takes me a while to get my energy and strength back.

Wednesday was two weeks post-op and usually I feel a whole lot better than I do. While I know this was a huge surgery, I really just want to be on the road to recovery. Throughout the day, I get these intense shooting pains in my leg and let me tell you, they hurt like all get out! As a natural impulse, I say out loud, “OW! OW! OW!” Yeah, that makes it all better!

I finished my first full week of hyperbaric oxygen chamber therapy and so far so good! No issues this time which I am grateful for. Each morning when I get inside the tank, I say a silent prayer that it heals my incision.

The doctor at hyperbaric sees me every morning before my treatment begins and always reminds me what an ordeal I have been through and how he hopes this incision doesn’t get infected because that could be catastrophic. I know he means well, but I am fully aware of potential complications and choose not to focus on them. I just can’t.

Even though I am exhausted to my core, I have to believe that each new day will bring peace and healing.

I sometimes daydream about having a girls weekend in Newport. We are all eating, drinking and having a great time. I look at my daughter and best girl friends, and I say, “those three years were difficult but I survived them and look at us now!”

My daughter and granddaughter are coming to visit in less than two weeks and that will be the best medicine. They make my heart smile and life is better when they are with me.

Little by little. Day by day. It will get better.

Life is tough, but you know what? I am tougher!

Until next time, be well and go out and do a random act of kindness.